My Precious Girl,
Happy Birthday.
I don’t really know how to start this because I’ve never really written a love letter to anyone before, but I’ll try my best. I made this whole thing to show you how much I care about you, love you, and how much you mean to me. It’s probably going to be hard putting it all into words, but I will try, my little girl deserves my effort, especially on her special day. You will probably hear things I’ve said to you before and I hope that’s fine with you.

Before I met you I was this lonely loser who got treated like shit by a lot of people, I had trouble sleeping, I was always really sad, I was kind of addicted to porn, I wouldn’t leave bed unless it was to eat or unless I had to, I had given up on my grades, I didn’t know what it felt like to miss someone, and I always confused love and lust. Honestly, I was desperate. I wanted to find love from someone other than my family or friends. I wanted to feel appreciated by someone I was allowed to trust, open up to and appreciate without fearing judgement. This was never the case even when I thought it was.

I’d find someone who then ends up crushing my heart by betraying me, leaving me without saying anything, or just losing feelings. This kept happening repeatedly and it hurt so much to the point where I lost the ability to cry. That’s when I realised the reason is because I didn’t know the difference between love and lust, and some people used that to their advantage for attention.

That’s when I decided I will stop looking for love and instead I will better myself, so I did. I started trying all kinds of self-improvement things. I tried to improve my social skills, so I joined servers to make friends. That’s when I met you, I remember the exact scenario. You were asking for vbucks then someone told you to cut yourself for it and you sent a photo in the server that got you banned.

Fortunately, I had this thing that would let me see messages even after they were deleted and it was shocking to me. So, I got worried and added you to check on you and see if you’re okay. Thankfully you said you were fine and that it wasn’t you. Although it wasn’t you, I was still worried so I decided I’ll be your friend that you could rely on. I didn’t see it turning into anything romantic at the time since I wasn’t exactly looking for love, but the more we talked the more I felt drawn to you and then you told me you weren’t the age you said you were.

This did shake me a bit as I did realise it would be a little bit of a problem especially considering how I started feeling towards you so I said it would be fine because we would stay friends, oh how wrong I was. Anyways, we kept talking and I realised I loved you when you confessed to me how you felt. I knew I loved you and that it really was love because I didn’t feel any kind of way towards you when we first started talking but instead, the more we talked the more I could feel my love for you grow.

I also never felt the way I felt towards you to anyone before either. It was a new kind of feeling, a new kind of love. The kind of love that comes from genuinely caring about you and wanting to make you happy no matter what. This love we had gave me a reason to try my best. Like I said before I stopped being able to cry because I was hurt so bad that tears would just not leave my eyes whenever I was sad so the sorrow just kept building up overtime, but then you expressed how much you love me, and I found myself crying but not because I was sad but because I felt happy, I felt truly loved. You are the reason I’m able to cry again and let out my happiness or sadness, you gave me a reason to enjoy waking up, you taught me what it’s like to miss someone for the first time, you taught me what it’s like to be loved and appreciated. You’re the reason I put all my effort into my studies because I only see a future with you and no one else. You’ve given me a reason to do whatever it takes to make that future possible.

I know you might think you’re a bad person, that you’ve done bad things, made bad decisions, that people hate you, that you deserve the hate you get, that you’re at fault for everything bad that’s happened to you, but it isn’t true. None of it is. You may have made bad decisions, you may have bad thoughts, but none of it is your fault. You probably don’t understand why I love you and think you’re unlovable because of the kind of person you are, but you are not the person you believe yourself to be. I know that because whatever person you think you are, is not the actual person you are. I know what you are and that’s why I love you, I know you’re a wonderful, kind, sweet, caring, and thoughtful person. The only reason you believe you aren’t that is because the people around you and the environment you’re in has been against you so much that you’ve believed that you’re a bad person. When in reality, you aren’t, you’re a victim of your environment, and the people you surround yourself with. Whenever you’re with me or doing anything with me you act lovely. You’re adorable. I love you. I love how you treat me and how you act with me.

The fact you can treat me the way you do means you can treat others well too it’s just that a lot of the people around you don’t deserve to be treated well. I know you can be a good person and a good mother to our children one day. You have so many amazing qualities about you that you don’t give enough credit to. You’re cute, silly, funny, thoughtful, kind, caring, beautiful, obedient, well behaved, selfless, smart, and most importantly you’re my good girl. You don’t have to worry about becoming like your mum or dad because you’re nothing like them even if they’re your parents you know what they do is wrong and how they treat you makes you feel bad so you will treat our children how you wanted to be treated. I know you will raise our children to be amazing, because you yourself are amazing. You amaze me every day either with new information or with something you’ve made. For example, your beautiful drawings that you draw from time to time, your beautiful tattoos that you make up and draw on yourself, the spider facts you’ve told me, the pretty photographs you’ve taken before, and more. You’ve made me so proud of you sweetheart. I know you try your best for me, and you don’t have to worry if it’s enough because it’s more than enough and I am more than grateful for your efforts to be good for me.

Of course, I know you aren’t perfect. I mean who even is perfect, I know I’m not. My point is; you don’t have to be objectively perfect to be perfect to me. I recognise that you have your flaws and I am okay with them because what matters to me is not that you have flaws, it’s that you try to fix them and become a better person overall. The fact that you want to be better proves you’re not a bad person. A bad person wouldn’t want to change for the better nor would they try to. But you’re trying to and that alone is enough for you to be perfect in my eyes. You, putting the effort into fixing your flaws is what makes you a good person that is what I love about you it’s that you try to become better for us. I love you so much Maddie.

I love you, I love your beautiful gorgeous eyes that I could stare at until I fall asleep, I love your beautiful smile that brightens my entire week, I love the pretty lips that form your smile, I love your gorgeous hair no matter what colour it is, I love your angelic pale skin that shrouds you in beauty and elegance, I love your adorable ears that peak out of your hair sometimes like elf ears, I love your fashion sense that I wish I had the confidence to match because it looks so cool, I love how much you try for me, I love how being with you feels like being safe at home, I love how much warmth you give my heart, I love your art, I love your pretty eyelashes (your real ones), I love your cute little chin dimple, I love your gorgeous elegant figure, I love your silliness, I love how adorable you are when you submit to me, I love how you’re like my little pet, I love how when you get happy you do that thing with your hands, I love that you consider me your safe place, I love how much trust you have in me, I love how you’re able to depend on me, I love you and everything about you.

You know, I literally think about you every day and everywhere I go. You’re on my mind all the time, and whenever we have to stop talking, when something interrupts us or when you have to go, I start thinking through everything I said and did and making sure I didn’t do anything that could be taken badly by you. Sometimes I think about it a little too much and start overthinking every little thing you do that seems the slightest bit off to me, even the smallest, slightest change in tone or behaviour gets me. Then I start stressing about it, I start thinking about every possibility for said change in tone or behaviour, maybe you had a bad day, maybe I said something wrong, maybe I did something wrong, maybe you’re losing feelings for me, maybe I’m not good enough for you anymore, maybe.. You get the point. This overthinking gets the most intense when I’m left alone at night in bed and it makes it hard to sleep because stressing this much makes me feel sick to my stomach and puts quite some weight on my heart.

I’ve never loved anyone this long and I’ve never loved anyone this much either. You make all my worries disappear when I’m with you but whenever I’m alone my brain starts making up things to worry about so it’s really kind of like I need you with me all the time to keep my mind from going crazy. I know I’ve told you this before, but it really is true, whenever I’m with you especially when I’m in bed and on call with you about to fall asleep. It’s the most peaceful thing I’ve ever felt in my life, to the point where if I fell asleep while you were with me one night and never woke up, I’d be completely fine with that. That would be such an amazing way to die, my mind wouldn’t be drowning me with bad thoughts but instead filling with the love and solace you bring me. That’s why, and I know you’ve noticed it but whenever I sleep with you, I fall asleep smiling. It’s because there’s nothing but love and happiness in my mind when I look at you, it’s like the entire world around me doesn’t matter at all in comparison to how much you matter to me.

I know you find it difficult to open up to me, and I know you don’t like opening up. But I want you to know that you can open up to me no matter what. I know you want to open up to me about everything, but you just don’t know how to and there are things you’re scared of opening up to me about, but you shouldn’t be scared. I love you so much and I am willing to listen to anything you tell me, and I will accept you no matter what it is you open up to me about. So please, if you ever feel like opening up to me and you know exactly what to say don’t waste the opportunity, tell me everything on your mind, it doesn’t matter what it is or how unimportant you think it maybe, it is very important to me. You are the light of my life Maddie; you are my everything. I want you to open up to me but I want you to take your time with it, I will wait for years if that’s how long it takes and I won’t hold any resentment against you for making me wait because those years will be filled with love and joy since I’ll be spending them with you.

After everything we’ve gone through together, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You’ve gone against your parents for me, for love. I’m willing to go against the world for you, for us. Even after the many times, we’ve been forced apart we’ve always found ourselves ending up together, if that doesn’t mean something then I don’t know what does. Even when my life was almost ruined multiple times I never once blamed you for it. I never will, because you don’t deserve the blame. You’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. If this means risking my life and future then so be it, because a future without you is no future I want to live. No matter what happens to me I will always find a way to end up together with you, I don’t care what it is that happens I could get locked up for all I care I will wait with you in my mind every single day until I am let out and the first thing I am doing is finding you.

I want to have a prosperous future with you where we get married, have kids, love them, love each other, treat our kids properly with the love they deserve to have. I want to be able to keep you safe and loved and I will be able to do that one day. I’ll work towards that and make sure we can be happy together.

I hope this clears up how and why I love you.

Now, I know I missed two of your birthdays, but I hope this present makes it up to you. I hope you have the most wonderful birthday ever and I hope this present made you happy. I put everything I could into it, I wrote every word here myself, I thought of everything myself, and I have never done this for anyone in my entire life. I’ve never put this much time and effort into creating something for someone like this. In fact, I don’t even like celebrating other peoples’ birthdays or mine usually, but I want to make your birthday the best day ever for you. This is the day you were born, and I am forever grateful for this day because without it, without you, I would’ve never learned the things I’ve learned about myself from you, and I would’ve never become who I am now without you. I wouldn’t have had a reason to change for the better. My sweet and precious little girl, I love you so much, and I hope you have the best birthday you’ve ever had in your life.

I can’t wait to see what we have ahead of us in the future.

Love,

Eissa.